Have a dad? Don’t know your dad? Hate your dad? Unsure of your dad? Lost your dad? Dad left? Stepfather? Abusive, alcoholic, addiction, dead beat, absent… you get my drift. The scenarios tragically can go on and on.
So if you’re like me and today is complicated: this is for you.. Maybe you had to stay away from Social Media and friends on Sunday because it’s a little too much. I get that; we are in the boat with chocolate in one hand and tissues in the other.
I genuinely at times try so hard to put my relationship with my father in a box tucked far away not to be touched. Life is complicated and boundaries are often broken I find my self having to recollect all the muck trying to put it back in the box.
- Post on Instagram about your amazing dad … – you’ll find me picking up pieces trying to put them in the box while wiping tears.
- Touching moment between father and daughter on TV, Movie, Commercial – you’ll find me picking up pieces stuffing them in the box and trying to put bricks on top.
- A friend describing her father walking her down the aisle- looks like my whole box is dumped out.. got to get a bigger box.. I’ll most likely need
The reality of my father’s actions and absence doesn’t get boxed up and put in a corner. The reality and hurt that comes from abuse, conditional love and anger rears its ugly head in moments meant for celebrations and beauty it triggers anxiety, jealously and hurt that years after I was allowed to leave that relationship I am still heavily affected by our relationship.
Fathers that show up and play the part are worthy of being celebrated but gosh does it hurt and remind us of our broken fathers that didn’t show up or who did and decimated it. It brings back the scars you tried to cover with clothes and the bruises you hid with cover girl. It brings you back to the tears silently running down your face after water thrown at you at dinner. It brings back the screaming until 4 am, it brings you back to being told you weren’t what He wanted, you were to blame for finances. Whatever he did or didn’t do Father’s Day tends to bring it all back up in a messy manner.
So to you my fellow fatherless children….
I am so sorry that collective women and girls and boys and men around the world endure father’s day with no one to celebrate or with someone to avoid thinking about. I am so sorry we have to avoid smells, meals, places etc in order to live mentally healthy because those things have become triggers of the most painful vulnerable moments in our lives created by a person who was supposed to protect, care and honor our lives but chose or didn’t choose too.
If you lost an amazing father earlier than expected I am so sorry this year among other years you will feel the loss that cannot be replaced.
Today we hold hands and cry on shoulders and give ourselves the grace to mourn the relationship we desire or wish we had with our fathers. May we take our time in figuring and processing our feelings of anger, bitterness, jealousy, and even forgiveness.
17 years of abuse when it comes to forgivness its like a 1 million piece puzzle. Each memory of hurt, abandonment and abuse takes forgiveness and slowly I can put together a finshed section of a puzzle of hurt that has been forgiven. A process filled with time and patience. Forgiveness a lot like Rome was not built in a day.
So today in a sea of reminders of what we lost or never had may God be close and comforting and healing our hearts. May friends and family be gentle and words filled with thought and grace before spoken over you. May you find a space to grieve and know despite what journey you are on that you are loved, wanted and beautiful just the way you are by our Heavenly Father. May you find peace and boundaries for health and above all else may you know you are not alone.