I spent most of today waiting in line. Sometimes it feels like 95% of my life is standing in line or waiting for something. Sometimes I use my waiting time wisely by digging into The Word playing with the girls or working on my phone. On the rare occasion I am not using my time wisely ( remember I said rare – sarcasm) I scroll social media, find myself in the trenchs of converstations, stalking dance videos on instgram and lurking through the hilarious medium known as twitter. Today though I found myself in a panic trying to come up with something to blog about for my weekly blog. ( one of my 2017 goals is to be more open and out of my comfort zone in blogging) I found myself joining every motivation blogging community group on facebook. So many people blog and so many people are awesome at it and I’d like to become awesome at it or improve my already level of awesome.
This blog for quite a long time served very little purpose other than a place for me to try hard to fit the mold and compare myself to other bloggers. I tried to write using language that was foreign in my mouth and perspectives that felt out of character. I am not gushy, fluffy and good with adjectives. I am blunt, sarcastic, and sometimes overbearing. So, this year I am pushing myself to embrace my writing voice by blogging once a week. I love reading blogs and since I launched this blog I have found it hard to find my confidence and foundation in my abilities. Thus my 2017 goals to push myself further out of my comfort zone and go head to head with lies and insecurities I’ve let get the best of me.
Comparison can be a real buzzkill and for me it’s always been a struggle like a lot of people. In the mission’s community, I think there is a very real concern for comparison especially over writing mediums like blogs. But that is another topic for another day!
In school, I constantly received C’s in writing. I was told by teachers I didn’t have the proper personal skills to achieve the grades/praise I had longed for in writing classes. I struggled with grammar and being able to express myself coherently. I now realize a lot of that was due to personal trauma and the inability to express myself in general was from fear. My grammar skills were mostly from a lack of just hating grammar though. Sorry elementary school teachers I still sometimes don’t know where the comma goes. #Iusehashtagstoexpressmyself #hastagsdontrequiregrammar . The constant voice of failure has hung over me in a heavy way. I had a lot of great teachers but I struggled until my senior year of high school to find an English/writing teacher that believed in me. I found one who pushed me and encouraged me in all areas of expression through written word.
After scrolling through 9 different motivation groups trying to find a topic/idea to write upon I decided it was time to be honest about my blogging struggles in case anyone else spent today looking for advice and encouragement. I can do it and so can you a memoir written by Facebook groups ( did you see my sarcasm). I hope this year blogging will no longer seem like a chore but will become almost second nature. I aim to be outside my comfort zone but also to accurately and transparently describe what the world looks like around me as a missionary, parent and woman millennial.
Dear Internet friends,
It’s me Meghan. the girl that shares all the political articles with a mix of prank videos and animals doing ridiculously cute things. Remember me. well its almost February and I am already exhausted. It could be from staying up till 3am twice this week or from the amount of crying I do watching sappy commercials Unlike most people I spent December sweating and more commonly experienced all sorts of weird illness like pinkeye (which I got again this week. sigh.) and a weird skin rash that ravaged my neck and hair line. Don’t ask questions you haven’t prepared your stomach for. am I, right? So yes, it took me almost an extra month to set goals and dreams for 2017 finally here we are. I recently and by recently I mean 12 hours ago learned how to use mail chimp and revamped my blog so I’m already feeling pretty accomplished this year.
Side note: I am sure if you check last year January there is a blog that states my goals for 2016 was a month late as well. Perhaps setting goals last week of January is my thing. My mantra, my safety net. Ah well I’ll own it.
2017 I plan to go outside my comfort zone more times as often as possible. I plan on engaging in uncomfortable conversations. I plan on letting people into my life/bubble via live video (because I either hate myself or plan to outgrow my insecurities at this point this choice feels more self-hate inflicted. so, If I die of a stroke from stress on live stream please write a witty obituary.)I am committed to blogging once a week and keeping up to date on newsletters. If you’d like to be informed on everything related to our family drop your email in the comments. I plan on cooking more vegan and vegetarian to expand my taste buds AHEM I mean my children’s taste buds 😉 girl can’t live on jollof alone. I plan on being as involved and bold in contacting and shaping policy as much as possible from across the oceans. I plan on sitting in discomfort when called out and receive feedback without becoming defensive. I plan on reading my bible cover to cover and relearning history that was taught through a white lens. I plan on reading more diverse genres written by more diverse authors. bring it on sci-fi. I plan on dating or trying to waiting or just being open. YA, I SAID IT, I MIGHT GO ON A DATE. Come at me romance. I’ve spent too long closing off and refusing opportunities out of fear and awkwardness. I am embracing all the weirdness this year. ALL OF IT. NOT AN OUNCE UNWELCOMED.
As a parent, I plan on playing more and being more engaged in tea parties, I plan on trying to keep up with house stuff that is necessary and letting go of the little things. I will adventure into the tall grass and help pick off the ticks. I will leave work during working hours and dedicate weekends to being fun mom. And as a missionary I plan on pursuing God with every fiber in my soul in action, thought and word. To do that I will be soaking myself in honest, caring and a passionate community both online and in person. I will walk by faith and fight alongside families to receive the best care and support.
But most of all I plan on setting boundaries. Safe, healthy emotional, physical boundaries. To say no when necessary to be consistent and to give myself grace for failure.
What about you plans goals aspirations for 2017.. I’d love to hear them maybe we can accomplish them together?!