The Reward

I held him close to my chest and  rocked him back and forth until his little body fell asleep. I woke up for  injections,  feedings,  diaper changes and doctor reviews. For 6 nights I slept with Little J in the muggy small ICU at the Children’s Hospital. Tired, frustrated and sweating, I was mad that we had no answers and every breath he took was painful. After 2 Weeks in admission, Rebecca, Lauren and myself  loved him so tenderly in our own home. My girls loved having a baby in the house, they would coo and laugh as he made some pretty funny faces. We loved his squirmy, squishy body through all the tears, poopy diapers and medicine. We loved that tiny boy as hard as we could. We brought him to his first cardiology appointment and he was declared terminally ill. Thats where the pain in our hearts began as we knew his time with us was purposeful but not unlimited.

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{ I’ve been told these words so many times. In village hospitals, city hospitals and even in a US hospital. I’ve been told “no other options” so many times it plays on repeat in my head.  This year I’ve held the sick in my arms until their last breath. I’ve tried to restart hearts, rush them to the hospital and i’ve sat in small clinics watching them walk to their savior all for different reasons.  Each time humbling, each time painful but each time i’ve been reminded that death is not the punishment its the reward. Its the biggest reward for those broken bodies to be ultimately healed as they are welcomed at the gates of heaven for the biggest eternal celebration yet. }

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After his cardiology appointment we began managing his heart  as carefully as possible. After 1 1/2 weeks in our big white house, Lauren and myself brought Justice nd my daughter Priscilla back for what we so ignorantly thought would be a quick trip to see our favorite pediatrician for a small check-up and maybe a dosage of antibiotics. The pediatrician looked up after checking on them both and said ” I don’t want to, but we are going to have to admit both children.” Lauren looked at me and I looked at her and the tiny humans in that room and we laughed because yet again our plans to go home and make BBQ pizza were obliterated. I cried because I knew things were gonna be hard with P having Malaria and J being on admittance. So we walked to be admitted and I prayed that this would end soon. I prayed that Justice and P would be healed soon so we could go home. I had no idea how we were going to manage this much. I also had no idea J was going home to be with Jesus. 

12 hours later things took a downward turn . J was uncomfortable and every breath became harder and harder.

12 hours later he was transferred to Komfe Anokye Teaching Hospital in hopes of improvement. We discussed the logistics of transferring him. I held him in my arms, kissed him and told him I loved him. I held him close to my chest and felt his soft little head against my face. I prayed Jesus would heal him quickly and he would be more comfortable.

Just like that 17 hours later his broken body was healed and he met Jesus at the best celebration imaginable. Doctors told us our time was limited with J on earth. We were told surgery was not an option. We knew going into this that we wouldn’t hold J for as long as we wanted. We knew though each step of the way Jesus was holding him and us as he called us to this painful path. We knew what we were signing up for when Justice walked into our lives, however the pain of his death will forever leave a mark on my heart. I know death is the reward but sometimes it sure doesn’t feel like a reward for us left behind on earth.

J dance with Jesus, Sing and shout you are healed, you are whole and you are home. We love you and miss you in our hearts but we are so thankful for the time we got to spend with you on earth. May we met again in the presence of the ultimate physician.

With Love,

Auntie Meghan

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Yesterday Friday August 7th we laid Baby J to rest. In a small ceremony we grieved as we said our final goodbyes to this precious little boy. 7 days from yesterday he passed and exactly a month from yesterday he came to our home. Please keep praying for our families as we mourn him on this earth and rejoice with us as he is with his saviour.